My inner photo of you

My inner picture of u…

You are the one that I see as perfection even do you are just my perfection. You are not the prince on the horse, but you are just my perfection.

You have the shape of your eyes that helps your smile be much beautiful, and then it is. You have the hair that the wind makes it look much cute on you. You are the one that even without words successes to worship me. You are the one that I am looking for in everyone, but when I think I found you, you somehow manage to disappear.

My inner photo of you is a perfection that doesn’t exists, a perfection that I adore, a perfection that I am looking for, a perfection that lives in my inner imagination.

I don’t love you, but I have a strong desire for you. A desire that exists in me, a desire that I can’t make it vanish or that I won’t make it vanish.

You are the one that makes my tears disappear when you smile. You are the one that can make me feel worm when I miss you. You are the one that can read my thoughts even when I am not thinking. You are the one that can read my soul from my eyes even when I have them closed.

All those things that I am looking from you seem a lot, but there not. I would do them for you. They are just tiny things that can make one person happy.

You are the one that when I am sleeping I can feel your eyes watching me and spreading warmness; you are the one that even when I am sad can feel my inner pain and make it vanish.

You are the one with the voice that can wake up and motivate my natural smile. Then we can together bring a smile that can bring brightness to our day, our morning, our noon, our evening.

You are the one that I can’t see but I can feel. I can feel the desire for having you, as the one. I imagine the power and the influence that you have over me… but again that’s just my imagination, my desire, my inner photo of u.

… is just a shadow of my imagination of you.

Edna pregratka (my blood)

Edna pregratka

"Zosto nikogas ne me guskas? Ajde sega daj mi samo edna pregratka te molam" mi veli taa.

A pak jas ja gledam zaprepasteno i si velam kakva e taa pregratka bez nikakvi emocii kon tebe, nikakva zar koga ti si do mene. Nekogas posakuvam da ne si mi toa sto si mi. Pa duri ponekogas imam I podsvesna zelba za tvoe nepostoenje.

Sigurno na tebe ti se gledaat rabotite vo nasiot zivot normalni, no ne e taka. Toa e samo tvojot pogled kon nasiot svet. Posle se sto stori vo mojot zivot jas ednostavno nemozam taka da prodolzqm so istiot odnost kon tebe, koj vo minatoto sme go imale.

Sekoj den e nov den za mene koga jas nautro se budam posakuvajki i molejki se nisto da ne bide kako porano, bidejki imam ogromna grutka na grlovo t.e. neiskazanost koja nitu mozam da ja goltnam, a uste pomalku pak da ja iskazam.

Zaedno sme, no sekoj mig izminat e za mene maka. A zosto? Pa sakam ovoj period od zivotov moj brzo da projde, bidejki ne sum ni malku srekna okolu tebe. Me gusi mislata deka poslednive godini ednostvno mi gi otezna, so toa sto ne mi bese ona sto trebase da mi bides. So toa sto ne bese pokraj mene togas koga mi trebase. Ne cuvstvuvav nikakva ljubov, bidejki ja zameni so gorcina, koja podocna mi ja prenese. Ne custvuvav nikakva podrska, za koja ti si dolzna vo zivotot da mi ja pruzas.

I taka so site tie misli koi letaa niz mojot um dodeka ti se podavase nakaj mene so rasireni race odednas i jas gi rasiriv moite. I ete se sluci, sto se sluci. Ednostavno ja dobi posakuvanata pregratka.

No sega eve sum vo tvoja pregatka i nisto ne osekam, nema toplina, nema zar ima samo tazni emocii, koi sekogas gi krijam. No ti sepak si zadovolna, I pak slepo ne gi zabelezuvas faktite. Na liceto lazna nasmevka, a sepak vnatre goram od lutina, bidejki odamna go izgubiv ona sto go imav, po moja mala vina, no i poradi tvojot egoizam. Tvojota greska bese vo toa sto ti me zanemari i go gledase svojot zivot, tvojte custva, tvoeto srce, a ni za moment ne se seti da me poglednes vo moite nasolzeni oci, vo koi mozese mnogu lesno da se zabelezi mojata detska nevinost.

Me smetase za glaven vinovnik za zagubata koja ti ja predizvika. I sega tebe taa lutina ti se izgubi ili pak ja zakopa dlaboko vo sebe I taka si se smeskas I me guskas kako nikogas nisto da ne se slucilo. No sigurna sum deka samo ja zakopa, bidejki sekogas koga ke dojdes so nesto slicno vo presret ti prestanuvas da razgovaras so mene. Do sega mi bese se taka matno, no kako rastam sum se pozrela i svakam deka ednostavno ti seuste ja kries lutinata vo sebe.

Sekogas koga sakas da mi pokazes ljubov, so edna mala pregratka ili so nekakov dar ti mi prodavas demagogija. Demek eve sega jas sum srekna, ne sum ljuta I mnogu te sakam. No, ne e se taka lesno, ti zgresi I jas toa nemozam da ti go oprostam, bidejki ednas izgubena doverba, so darovi I so pregratki ne se vraka. Nasata ljubov, nasiot odnos bese edna vazna koja ti od nevnimanie ja skrsi, a sega sakas da ja zalepis, no nekako zaboravas deka taa nema da go ima prvenstveniot izgled. Deka nemoze se da bide po staro, bidejki jas ednostavno ne sakam, a i ednostavno nemozam. Ne mozes da mi ispukas kursum vo srcevo I podacna da reces, pu pu aj od pocetok.

I ete si projde uste edna, uste edna, uste edna I uste edna pregratka koja e cista demagogija i koja sekogas e po tvoja inicijativa. No mene vo zivotot voopsto ne mi znaci taa pregratka, bidejki jas idninata ne ja gledam do tebe, ednostavno ti veke mi stana tovar, koj od milosrdnost ke go guskam I cuvam se dodeka postoi.

Na krajot na kraistata se za svojata krv.